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Why is it that most irons have a setting for 'permanent press' garments? Why is it a 'garage door opener', since it opens and closes the door? - If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. - You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

One was pulling the cow by the tail; the other was pulling on the horns. If you laid all of the lawyers in the world, end to end, on the equator -- It would be a good idea to just leave them there. My sister (mother, exwife, whomever) is a great housekeeper. There was the cartoon showing two people fighting over a cow. The towels were so thick I could hardly get my suitcase shut. Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches. The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the "American Pie." (Thus the name of the Don Mc Lean song.) Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. I just got fired, but the boss wrote me a really nice recommendation letter. (or to indicate that you have far too much free time on your hands) In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere. She’s been married and divorced four times and each time she’s kept the house. If we know the speed of light, why hasn't anyone calculated the speed of dark? Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one? How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes? You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... No brush, no paint, no canvas, I just think about it. ' - The longer the title, the less important the job.

How would you ever know if a word was mis-spelled in the dictionary? If only the good die young then what does that say about senior citizens? I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. - You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like. - When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, 'How would the Lone Ranger handle this?

- When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves. - Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing.

- Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other. - Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many. - To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.

They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first. I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds. ” I applied to work with a local political campaign committee yesterday. I told them, “ No, but I’m willing to learn.” The Yoko Club?

Spades - King David; Clubs - Alexander the Great; Hearts - Charlemagne; and Diamonds - Julius Caesar. He wrote, “ If you get (this guy) to work for you, you’ll be lucky!

And how come there's never a garage actually for sale at all those garage sales? I said, 'Yes, but not right now.' I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension. - When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.